Surround yourself with those in support of you and your goals

Does any of this sound familiar?

** “Unfortunately, my fiancé hasn’t been as supportive as I’d hoped. He hates that I eat differently than the rest of the family.”

** “I’m afraid my husband will be angry with me if I don’t “have fun” with him on the weekends at football games tailgating and partying, drinking all day. Why do I need to drink to have fun?”

** “I want to get healthier and drop some weight but my husband doesnt, which is fine, but isn’t this is my choice? I’m starting to feel held back.”

** “My boyfriend said that my training is taking too much time away from him. Which is crazy right? I am only there 4 days a week. He goes to the gym during the day. Why is his gym time more important than mine?”

** “My husband is frustrated because he feels I am not enjoying life with him and our kids.”

** “I do not have an encouraging household. How do I have a sit down and talk to them all? Why don’t they want me to get healthier?”

Let me preface this post by saying that I have collected a lot of comments and feedback from clients over the years and LBC promotes more balance than I have seen from a lot of other coaches. LBC is well known for encouraging social balance, enjoying special moments, anniversaries and birthdays, vacations/holidays, and taking breaks from dieting.

Even so, sometimes, families/friends/loved ones will still not accept that you are choosing to live a healthier lifestyle – sometimes they will STILL find a problem with it no matter how balanced you truly are. And THAT, is not your problem.

Personally, I have experienced quite a few people in my life over the past 10 years or so that I immediately knew wouldn’t be supportive of the way that I ate or trained most of the time. People that drank from Wine Wednesday – Sunday Funday and club hopped til 3am every single weekend. Those are people I knew would end up only being my friendly acquaintances. Funny, nice, good enough people – just interested in spending their time differently than I do. To each their own.

For me, I need to surround myself with people that live similarly. I don’t feel that it is conducive to my goals and my family, my well being, my career, or my sanity lol, to live in an unhealthy way.

If you are in a more permanent situation – you live or work with people that choose to live a drastically differently lifestyle or have different goals than you do right now, or are not supporting the new goal that you have, I’d like to offer a few suggestions that may open the doors to more discussion and acceptance.

There are a few reasons I feel other people object openly about someones new goals:

– they think the change will alter your family dynamics (and his/her way of operating) day to day

– the change goes against what your spouse believes and values

– your new lifestyle and health goals bring up your their own fears and traumas – around self confidence, dedication, willpower, self worth, self image, security

– your changes make people realize that “change” (which they may know they need deep down too) requires a leap of faith, which that person is afraid to make

– your partner, loved one or friend is stuck in their life in some way and career, and your getting “unstuck” feels like a threat

Everyone wants to be heard, understood…So try talking to those closest to you about your goals – be real and tell them why you personally need the change.

1. Make your goals KNOWN. Be firm and committed.
2. Don’t try to convince the other person – frankly it may be a waste of your breath. Just ask for understanding.
3. Communicate powerfully that you cannot continue to live the way you are, and that your current direction is not sustainable for you. Tell them how it makes you FEEL.
4. Ask your loved one or friends if they want to be more involved somehow. Make them feel included. Maybe they’d enjoy going to the gym with you, helping food prep and getting creative with meals, making dinners together.
5. Reassure them that you will have balance in your life. This new goal doesn’t mean you’re suddenly a hermit that can’t enjoy social activities.

Trust me, I know from experience that when you have a solid support system, your goals seem much more obtainable. But, lacking that support doesn’t mean you have to give up the goals, it just means you have to be even more determined to press forward.

Decide what you want and stick with it,