real forgiveness is unconditiona

April 15th, 2014 by

Forgiveness may be the most misused, misapplied, and misunderstood quality in our culture. We think we know what forgiveness is all about, but we really don’t. Before reading further, take a minute to do this little quiz by deciding if each statement is true or false.

A person should not be forgiven until he asks for it.
Forgiving includes minimizing the offense and the pain caused.
Forgiveness includes restoring trust and reuniting a relationship.
You haven’t really forgiven until you’ve forgotten the offense.
When you see somebody hurt, it is your duty to forgive the offender.

Real forgiveness is not a cheap term you just throw out that instantly makes everybody feel better. That’s not real forgiveness.

First, real forgiveness is unconditional. There’s no attachment to it. You don’t earn it. You don’t deserve it. You don’t bargain for it. Forgiveness is not based on a promise to never do it again. You offer it to somebody whether they ask for it or not.

Second, forgiveness isn’t minimizing the seriousness of the offense. When somebody asks for your forgiveness and you say, “It’s no big deal. It really didn’t hurt,” that actually cheapens forgiveness. If it wasn’t a big deal, you don’t need forgiveness and you don’t need to offer it.

Forgiveness is only for the big stuff. You don’t use it for slights that are just minor issues. If something really requires forgiveness, then you should not minimize it when somebody asks you for forgiveness. You shouldn’t say it wasn’t a big deal. It was a big deal! If it wasn’t a big deal, just say, “You don’t need to ask forgiveness.” But if it is a big deal, then you need to admit it.

Forgiveness is remembering how much you’ve been forgiven.

This is the starting point for genuine forgiveness. If you don’t feel forgiven, you won’t want to forgive anybody else. If you’re hard on yourself, you’re going to be hard on others.

Forgiveness is relinquishing your right to get even.

Forgiveness is responding to evil with good.

Forgiveness is repeating the process as long as necessary.

There are a lot of big deals in life. Have you noticed that? But there is a difference in being wounded and being wronged. Being wounded requires patience and acceptance, not forgiveness, because the person did it unintentionally. Being wronged requires forgiveness.

How long do you have to keep forgiving a person? As long as it takes. You have to keep forgiving that person until the pain stops and the desire to get revenge goes away.

c/o Rick Warren